Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Oh mom. Maybe you're right ... Damn it.

Above : BEV

I have been running around getting ready for Christmas, job searching, entertaining, going to holiday parties, and doing all of this on the fashionably late time tables i have always operated life from... 

However today, the world is full of so many morons that get in your way everywhere you go, that fashionably late frequently turns into absent which doesn't usually make others very happy.

Anyhow my cousin text me at work and let me know that one of my aunt's was in town with my uncle and their son and his girlfriend, and that they were all going out to eat with one of my other aunts and that i was wanted at that dinner visit as well .. i agree with out taking into consideration that i work 15 minutes w/o traffic, from where they are, and that i still needed to go home and let the chihuahua out, and that there are approximately 8 parking spots in downtown San Antonio ... but this request is no problem for me ... will meet them promptly at 6pm ... i get off work at 5:15'ish on a good day...

fast forward thru my road rage and parking issues... I have made it to the Riverwalk (it is now 6:20pm)

i am stuck behind a geriatric (AKA: huffing a puffing 2 cm from her backside, and loudly mumbling how nice it would be if people would just stop breeding), and her group of friends trying to get up a stairwell on the when i realized: if i wasn't in such a hurry due to running late i totally wouldn't be envisioning this old lady falling down the stairs and pulling her 3 plump friends down with her and out of my way so that i could more quickly get to the top of them ... if i wasn't tearing thru the riverwalk like a bat outta' hell, me and this little old gal could be pals maybe... i might have even been able to enjoy the 2.6 million twinkling christmas lights that had been put up on along the Riverwalk for Christmas ...  hey, much stranger things have happened right?






i loose track of that fleeting moment of womanly clarity when i finally get to the top of the stairs to bow be stuck behind another group of irritatingly slow and stupid people and their 4 dumb kids ...

finally make it to the restaurant, (its about 6:35 at this point) i am meeting my family at and i am out of breath and totally annoyed and...


BAM! i cant help but think... Might i be in a better mood? Maybe even happier to see my family if i hadn't just verbally bitch slapped the elderly and elbowed my way there to make it 20min late? maybe so... These thoughts were quickly dismissed when i remembered that my cousin had just barely text me just a few hours before while i was still at work to even tell me of the dinner.. So really its their fault i was in a rush.
None the less.. After i made it back home and had decompressed enough to reflect on the evening, the scariest thoughts crept into my mind... My mom could have, maybe been right about this whole "Don't dottle, you'll be late." business.... And if she was right about this ... What ELSE could she be right about??!?!?!

WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO?  WHAT IS A GIRL TO THINK?
....

me.

Me.

ME...

ME!

The above pictures illustrate just how traumatizing that notion was for me to come to terms with ...

FIRST NEW YEARS RESOLUTION FOR 2011: Be on time.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Thanksgiving Day Haven of Glory

To get this beautiful turkey dinner that i have grown up my whole life assuming just magically appeared at my aunts house every year around this time ..  


you must do horrible things .. 


continue through this post only if you are not on your way to dinner .. 
                               
So i am hosting a little Thanksgiving dinner at my apartment ... that's right.  My little sister is coming from Dallas, JR is going to stick around here too, and then my beautiful cousin is coming as well, she may or may not bring her on again off again love of JR's life ..
Anyhow... my mom is quite honestly an amazing cook.  The woman can turn pantry items into some fancy gourmet stuff.  I like to think that one day i too will be this amazing cook and everyone will love coming over to my house for meals and stuff.  I get to thinking, this is my debut dinner!!

I quickly and giddily skip to the computer to google just how exactly i was to prepare and bake a Thanksgiving Day Turkey.  

Below are just a few of the horrific scenes that showed up just  moments in front of me after i plugged in  GOOGLE:  "How to bake a turkey like mom does"


This was actually the first picture that i saw, upon seeing this picture is when i had officially decided that turkey baking just wasn't something that that i would excel at and that i was fine with that realization.  i decided right then and there that i was going to do myself, the poor bird i theoretically would get my hands on, and everyone who would be subjected to my turkey baking pit falls a favor and just not try ...
 The rest of these pictures are just really for good measure so that everyone out there will really understand why i just cannot do this whole turkey bake thing ...
First of all this is what they leave inside for you to pull out of it's ass!!
Uhhhh ... NO Thanks.
Above = Horrifying
I mean really?!

Who the heck ever thought this was a good idea??

Excuse me .. i am to do what now??

This is the stuff that goes in the gravy .. Why?? 

Then you shove the dressing right on up its ass and tie it up with a little bow tie of rope.


So the above process is clearly not something that I am going to be venturing into.  Not this year. Not next year.  Not ever.

I found the Thanksgiving Day Haven of Glory.

i GOOGLED : "Pre-cooked Thanksgiving turkeys"
As i pressed search a beam of light from my track lighting actually seemed to get brighter.  I am sure this was God and not a normal ol' power stream ...

  i scroll down through my search results and this is what i found ...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

IF YOU HAVE AN OVER-ACTIVE IMAGINATION...

DONT watch Gangland and then venture out into San Antonio...

So last night me and JR are watching Gangland, you know the documentary series of all things gang-like and scary.  Anyhow, today i am out and about running some errands for JR, cause i am a super great girlfriend and i do nice stuff like that for him since i have days off during the week ... i notice that there is some traffic on the highway so i decide to stick to the access road.  Totally normal train of thought.  Right.  Only now the access road has created an uncomfortably obtuse angle with the highway, and is forcing me in a direction that is clearly not the shortest rout back home; also, its no longer called the "access road", it actually has a name now, Enter Gangland At Your Own Risk Dr. I mean W. San Jose Ave.  Now this has happened to me several times before since i have been residing in San Antonio, however this is the first time it has happened since i had a little lesson from the Gangland Documentary on what gang tag really means ...

Please Note: You do not want to know what gang tag really means, and you for sure don't want to see it in real life right on the house to the left of you, just a mere 20 ft away.

According to the Gangland Documentary we watched last night, gangs are a very racist people, and also according to what i leaned about gang tag last night, i was driving around in some very serious hispanic gangland territory.   There were double 13's and arrows all over the place (double 13's have something to do with the mexican prison gang called the Mexican Mafia, 'M' is the 13th letter in the alphabet and so there are 2 of them hence the double 13's ... anyways its all very intense stuff), there were even road blocks so that you couldn't go all the way down certain streets.

The look on my face must have been a classic, i am literally just waiting for some gang lord to spot my little silver eclipse with all the 'KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD' and 'Peace: Back by popular demand' etc. bumper stickers on the back of it, and pull me from my car, discover that a white girl is perusing his streets and then god knows what he will do ... in my mind there was gang rape and murder involved ... at this point i am wondering just how much positive leverage my hispanic boyfriend might be, it was his errands i was running remember?  If not for my returning his Apple TV, i would have never accidentally ventured into the 12th Ward ...

This is what i reverted to this afternoon. 


With every turn i feel like i am walking the plank ... i grab my phone  thinking i can mapquest my way out of this situation, but unfortunately mapquest didnt recognize the corner of "Oh f&$#" and "Holy $#&!"  Some how i manage to make enough right hand turns to find my way back to a highway again, Hallelujah, and praise the lord ...

Now i am wondering just how serious Jesus was taking me when i promised that i would stop being judgmental if he would just get me out of there ...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Khloe Kardashian Episode.

This morning me and JR are a million miles away off of the coast of some amazing beach on a cruise for Non-Smokers only.  AWESOME!  We are having a wonderful time the ship is all kinds of great, i am looking way better in my bikini than any angle of reality could ever make happen.  We are both tan, JR is even in one of those foreign brief swim suite things, not the banana hammock Speedo ones, anyway, it was all very exotic and exciting.  And then JR's phone rings... He answers and thinks i cant here him call this caller person 'BABY'.  WTF!!  Oh Hell no!  He proceeds to tell this "baby" that she can do all the shopping she wants.  Um, NO.  'Baby' cannot shop!  Who the hell is 'Baby'?!!

He gets off the phone.   My heart is beating 1.8 miles per hour.  I am so pisted.  Who was that on the phone??!!

Apparently it was Khloe Kardashian!!!?! 
JR has been cheating on my with Khloe Kardashian!

Shame on you Khloe.
Then I woke up.  Super irritated, but thanking god i wasn't really on this non-smoking only (however that is a great idea) cruise ship with Khloe Kardashian pawing at my man.  **SLUT. 

I proceeded to blink like 20 times, and then i swing my head around as fast as i ever have before i am sure of it, and wake JR up at 7:45am with an elbow to his side and the conversation that proceeded went as follows...

ME: "Do you think Khole Kardashian is prettier than me??"
JR:  Very sleepy eyed "What?"
ME: Both brow lifted as high as they can go, and enunciating as if i were talking to a small child "DO-YOU-THINK-KHLOE-KARDASHIAN-IS-PRETTIER-THAN-ME?!?"
JR:  Totally smiling "Uhh ... Which one is Khloe?"
ME: Hitting him with one of our decorative pillows "DOES IT MATTER??!?"

LOL!!

What I learned ... JR clearly thinks one of the Kardashian sisters is prettier than me, he just doesn't know which one ...

**The SLUT comment was in the nicest possible way of course. You know you're my girl Khlo!

Friday, November 12, 2010

I Am Going To Be An AUNTIE!!

MY BF:
she's alot of awesomeness, you'll love her)
Kelly is HAVING A BABY!!

Please dont ask me why the h%!! im wearing a mini skirt and heals on the moon...
Below are my ideas of their baby room : ) hopefully i will get to help...


Great look... vintage ... modern ... interesting ... eye catching ... LOVE


   


i just cannot WAIT for this little muffin to make his? her? debut cameo!

I love you KELLY KELLY!!


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Keeping Busy On My Days Off.

The blank wall that has haunted me since we moved into our apartment:

Be Gone With You!

BLANK WALL NO MORE!
There is an endless possibility to mixing and matching art...

Some of JR's band art.  i love it.  Try experimenting with different colored matting.  Add your own sense of style and creativity to the art you enjoy.  We chose black w/ a pewter frame, clean and modern was the goal.  
This is one of my oils.  i have always loved how this piece is a bright chameleon.  It goes with nothing, and there fore it goes with everything.  Try leaning large art along the wall on the floor, that way your decor is from the ground up.  Don't limit yourself to eye level aesthetics only, besides this is a very cozy look and can be incorporated with any decor style. 
                                   
This is 1 of 2 prints we got in Florida this summer at the Dali Museum.  i absolutely love this one.  i wanted to matt it in red velvet but JR is not quite as adventurous as i am with framing.  None the less it turned out great, the gold moulding frame is a great addition to our eclectic feel i think. 
This is another one of my oils, and this was the easiest piece to hang.  It fits perfectly here, the scale is just as big as the arm chair in front of it witch creates ownership of the nook.  It also brings color and life to that end of the room  It was either a big colorful pillow or a big colorful art piece... i already had the art so it was a no brain'er. 
   
                           



i had so much fun playing decorator in our apartment this week.  Back to work tomorrow...
Hope you like! 


Monday, November 1, 2010

I Think I Missed Halloween...

Yep.  I did.  It passed me right on by.  This is the first year in my 27 years that I have no Jack-o-Lantern sitting by my front porch.  Didnt dress up.  Didnt pass out not one trick or even a treat ... I think i might becoming an old fuddy duddy!

CURRENT MISSION: TAKE BACK LIFE!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

hOW tHE %$&@ aM i jUST nOW fINDING tHIS!!

K ... so i LOVE kim kardashian!  she is hilariously authentic in her self-obsession and i find it absolutely entertaining, and lets not forget to mention, she has an undeniable sense of style and personal female power...

SHOEDAZZLE.COM is her site where she had come up with a fantastic system of sending you the latest styles in shoes and accessories a totally reasonable and flat rate each month!!

i am going to consider this Karma's apology for holding my keys hostage yesterday..

apology accepted.





Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Exhausted. But Well Worth the Effort.


Just Look @ All Those Peeps...

There was a little drama involved, but i got the weekend off from the Inn and I set out of I 35n and i headed strait to Austin ... didnt realize that Bev [my mother] was working for lawyers again so that threw a little bit of a money wretch in our arrival time, however the delay got me a mexican martini and a stuffed avocado which are possibly two of my favorite things in life ... alls well that ends well right?

None the less we made it and the weekend was great.  Austin City Limits Fest was, as always, a blur ... this year however not due to intoxication [however i did have a little incident with an apparently more than i thought amount of Fire Fly vodka, sorry kelly, hope the $ and the free pizza helped??]  

ANYHOW, moving right along, i heard somewhere along the way that there were 60,000 + people at Zilker Park at any given time this weekend ... uh, wow!  Matt and Kim were for sure my favorite, i just like them a bunch, but there were SO many awesome bands and i think i can safely say we all had a great time ... catching up with kelly and michael always makes for good times and a few other friends along the way.  Even randomly ran into an old college friend from waaay back.  He was diagnosed with leukemia a few years back; the last time i had seen him he had beaten it but he wasnt looking like himself ... he looks great now and running around ACL with his cute new wife, it made me so happy to see him in such a good place.



 


Just a little collage of my Austin City Limits fun this weekend...

On my way back from Austin I called T to follow up on a call i received from our 24 hour emergency line... she answered and informed me that she had been in a car accident, uhhggggh!  There is always something dramatic happening to this woman, i am sure that she is really not feeling well and i know that a concussion is a serious thing, but it is honestly so tiresome dealing with all the issues...

The almighty karmic rule got me back for this lack of compassion and selfish line of thought i had bestowed on my beloved co-worker for this very morning i pulled a classic 'TORI MOVE' on my way to work that basically represented all the evil i was thinking about her, please enjoy the illustrated story board below:

KEYS..

LOCKED...

INN APARTMENT (ME TRAPPED IN GATED PARKING LOT)....
Had to call and deal with management for the gate code,
i hate talking with management just about as much as i am sure
management hates getting calls from me...
They are idiots so the fault is entirely theirs
[it's clear i learned something from the karma-tic message, no?]

HAD TO CAB IT...

TO WORK... Uhhhhh!
 Finally made it there, and not that late either, and to my surprise the office wasnt a compete mess.  There was actually some communication as to what in the hell had been going on in the office while i was gone and where i needed to pick up where T had left off... i guess all my bitching and ranting paid off.  For now at least, the pessimistic side of me accounts for more than 1/2 and i cant help but wonder just how long this will last, i have the next two days off so we may find out sooner than later ;D

... i have made extra keys for my apt, so Karma you'll have to get me another way for the above statement...

GOODNIGHT! 

Friday, October 8, 2010

Heading Home for A Little Austin City Limits Action...

So im hit'in the ol' I 35 and im heading north to the Texas Capital City to enjoy a weekend full of live music, good friends, and some hopefully ice cold, but more than likely mildly cold Lone Star beer!
AUSTIN CITY LIMITS FESTIVAL ROCKS MY YEAR! CHECK IT OUT RIGHT HERE!
i've got my grid schedule and oh so much excitement...  Will update how it all turns out on Sunday :)

Cheers!




PS:  on the Inn front... apparently T cooled off, we are totally fine now and all's well that end's well.

Right.

We also have some pretty high maintenance type in-and-outers this weekend and a couple of weddings too.  Yikes! ... fortunately for me, i will be miles and miles away with not a care in the world other than getting lost from the group, which is bound to happen for sure... So for today the Inn is still in tack with a full staff.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here.

So i am the Inn Keeper at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast.  So romantic.  So fun.  Socializing all day with our perfect guests...  That is the Disney version of my job, that is what i want you to believe when you check into the Inn.

**DISCLAIMER** This is not about the Disney version of my life or my job, this is the behind the scenes part of the story, that under normal circumstances only close friends and family get the privilege of hearing (oh how i love thee modern ).  So that being said...

As much as i absolutely LOVE my job, co-workers, and as i am quite lucky to have a gracious and for the first time in, well ever really, a non-psychotic boss, the bottom line of it all is that life is always Good. Bad. & Ugly ... notice there is only 1 out of 3 positive words in that favorite quip that we all know and love?

Let me introduce my world to you:

In my personal world there is me of course.  There is my amazing boyfriend JR that provides me with his share of Good. Bad. & Ugly.  There is my mom Bevie, she need no introduction, it will come in time.  There is my little long haired chihuahua, his name is Chihuahua ... name explanation: so unoriginal it totally is original; and we can leave out my longest and best'est friend of life, Kelly and her husband (JR's brother) Micheal.  

Now onto work world introductions (their names have been changed to protect their identities **smiles y'all**).  There is my boss, the Inn's owner J and her husband? S, then comes our wedding coordinator T.  Our housekeeping staff is M and L.  i love all of these ladies.

Above are the immediate group of the people that i hold dear at one moment and want to throw rocks at the next... is that wrong?

A Trying Day Off

Yesterday:

There was some drama at work [that i caused because i expect for people to communicate and work as a team... how strange]... Not sure what the end result will be but, the end result of the situation currently:  I ended up going to work on my day off, to deal with some totally inappropriate and unnecessary drama fit for a reality TV show compliments of our Wedding coordinator.  The Short Story Per Our Wedding Coordinator:  I apparently am a raging female dog and i make her feel worthless because i call her out on what she doesnt get done, which in turn creates more work for me to have to juggle on my days at the front desk... me no like having to pick up others slack on a chronically regular basis, it frustrates me to no  end.


This has been an on going issue in the office basically since i started there.  Will update upon any new activity per the situation

                           What are ya' going to do?

Other news however, I cataloged some semi-current events that have gone on in the Love World of Tori...

Me and JR went to a Rodrigo y Gabriella Concert at Stubb's in Austin... freaking amazing!  


We spent a nice day on the San Antonio Riverwalk...


  


I re-decorated one of our rooms at the Inn...

BEFORE:

AFTER:
 

Me and JR went to Florida for a little celebration... If you are ever in St. Petersburg you MUST GO TO the Salvador Dali Museum, it is such an amazing place.  We had a beautiful day at the beach waiting for us right outside and we managed to spend 4&1/2 hours there just mesmerized.  

          The Dali Museum                                  The Beautiful Beach


We saw a little buckaneer's game while we where there too... you dont even have to know anything about the NFL to have fun!!


Please note.. i am still learning how to upload pictures to look nice... : /